Christmas times fuck

OH Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Where are your neo citran?

Oh Jesus tree, oh Jesus tree

Come and get your kittens

They bomb Iraq, we love to dance

Santa Claus, skips Isreal

Oh Christian Tree, I stand and pee

Tylenol cold and Flu

Winter for everyone

The great thing about winter
No guilty apathy
No Dichotomy Dictosaurus
Will change my mind
You’re not my Dad!

I enjoy a cold romp
Farting around in the mush
Good excuse to get drunk
There always is
Dude

The Gestapo of the Metro

Don’t look, don’t speak, don’t smile. Imagine the Metro if social politeness were enforced. “Maam, you are required by law to flirt with that man who is staring lustfully at your exposed ankles.” Or “Sir, please engage the passenger to your left, stating your stance on the Israeli Palestine conflict.” Wouldn’t the Metro be an adventure, instead of a silent slide through the tunnels of a cold city?

Aliens

They’re everywhere, though some say they aren’t

Fuck them

Saucers, spheres, globes, orbs, cylinders, triangles, ovals

Every shape and size

All colours

They float

Some fear, others worship

Sacrifice?

I hope not

Bill Clinton wonders

But he never found out

In Belgium, thousands saw giant triangles

Over a period of days, they floated

Shining their lights, in big triangular ways

And humans, with their little triangular prayers

The government sent two f-16 jets to kill it

But the triangles--they darted around

Teasing the stupid humans

Mock speed

And the glorious Belgian’s, they told everyone

That was nice of them

Probings…we fear the probe

Anus, aliens

Sightings from thousands of years ago

On cave walls

Tom Cruise knows they exist, why doesn’t Katie?

Do it for the baby Katie…the baby!

And still we wait, procrastinate

Infrared is the way, the geeks say

Switch it on, on your camera

The button is right there, no right there fuck

The button won’t do your homework

It might however, let you make a better sex tape than Paris

Or see the aliens

At night, they might land behind your barn

If you have a barn, who does?

Not since industrialization

If they leave a pattern in your crops

Don’t worry

They will grow back next season

With the help of modern chemicals

You can still make mortgage if Henry gets another job

Just for a little while

The cows were mutilated

That’s ok; Burger King is just down the street

Right beside Future Shop

There is much to be said on aliens

They probably make nature shows, about us

We’re silly

And they float

What have you done?

Love

The girl I love is a mysterious creature

Like an elf, floating on a cloud of lust

One night she told me that she loved me, and I loved her

Actually…that is a lie, there is no woman, I am hideous

You Say Party! We Say Die!: Still alive

Becky Ninkovic - voice
Krista Loewen - keys
Derek Adam - guitar
Stephen O'shea - bass
Devon Clifford - drums

You Say Party We Say Die, what can I say that their name doesn’t? How about….anything I want--cause it’s my blog! Enough about me; YSPWSD’s newest album “Lose all Time,” released on Paper Bag Records, is a fantastic dance-rock romp through a messy bedroom. I got a chance to talk to keyboardist Krista as the band made their way through Montreal while opening for K-os on their Canadian University tour.

TD: So how is the tour going?

K: Pretty good, a lot of the shows that we’ve been kind of weird, but still good.

TD: What would you say is weird about them?

K: Well we’ve been touring with K-os and playing a lot of the universities for frosh week kind of stuff so it’s just, they’re….university shows are always kind of, you never know what it’s going to be like. Sometimes they are pretty awesome and sometimes they are really not.

TD: What would be not?

K: Oh well sometimes it’s hard for the people organizing because they’ve just got on student counsel and they’ve never organized an event of any kind before, and then all of the sudden they are organizing this huge concert with you know, K-os, and you know whatever other bands are playing and it’s just this big event for all the frosh students or whatever. And there are some organizational struggles at some of the shows.

TD: What about the crowds. Do people know YSPWSD at these shows?

K: Ahh most of them. There has been a couple where they’ve been like “what’s going on?” Hopefully we manage to win a few of them over.

TD: How is living in a van?

K: Haha. Umm, it’s uhh, living in a van. It’s cramped and dirty and messy.

TD: Are you getting hotel rooms, is your label coughing up or what?

K: Well we are sometimes getting hotel rooms. A lot of times if we know someone in town we will just crash with friends, save the money. Some of the University shows have provided us with hotel rooms which is kinda nice.

TD: What is it like hangin with K-os? Is K-os a rockstar?

K: Umm, a little bit. He’s not an asshole rockstar by any means; he’s a really nice guy. He’s really fun.

TD: How did you get hooked up with K-os?

K: Becky and Steve met him at the virgin festival in Vancouver. He was just there. I guess he was in town, so he just came and uhh, they just started chatting and he just invited us to come on tour with him. He just really likes our band which is hilarious.

TD: Was that kind of a shock to you?

K: It was pretty surprising we didn’t really expect it to actually pan out at first. We were like “right, like we’re going to go on tour with K-os.” But then we told our booking agent and he was like, “Oh yeah, the Kos booking agent works in the same office as , and two days later he was like, “yeah it’s totally gonna happen if you guys want to do it.

TD: So is he like super hip hop star, does he have booty girls hanging around him and like lots of blinged out followers and stuff?

K: No, no, he’s not really like that. There are some nights where there are a lot of girls following him around but I think that is more of the girls’ prerogative, not so much his.

TD: So you guys are getting like really popular according to what I’ve read. I saw YSPWSD on that ridiculous split cover of Exclaim, for the Exclaim tour. Do you think that was the turning point for you as far as being recognized as being a real band? I mean, do you feel popular yet?

K: Uhh. We feel kind of, on a very small scale popular, we don’t really feel, we feel like we’re an opener band for much bigger bands, hahaha. Like we’re a good opening band. I feel like we are getting more popular and it’s pretty fun and exciting.

TD: How was your headlining tour before this?

K: Yeah we did that after the Exclaim tour we did a headlining tour of Canada, and in Europe, and we’re going to be doing that again later. We’re going back to Europe after this and uhh, part of it we’re opening for another band and part of it we’re doing on our own. Then we’re going to tour across Canada by ourselves and then we’re coming back home.

TD: Who are you opening for?

K: Los Campesinos. They’re from Cardiff in the UK. And uh, we’ve played with them a few times over there and they actually just got signed on arts and crafts in Canada.

TD: Right on. You can’t cross the border to America. Tell me briefly why.

K: You know how it is with bands crossing the border. You always try to pull your way across and we had applied for visas this time around and we were denied because we weren’t making enough money. So they grant them on how much you are making per night, and we were making two or three hundred a night and you have to make a minimum of $500 a night. We tried re-applying with a bunch of fake numbers but there wasn’t enough time and uhh, yeah, they caught us, basically.

TD: If you came home one day and you opened the door to your apartment and you saw Sean Connery making love to your lover, and then he looked at you and said, “How would you like to star in my next movie?” Then what would you do?

K: Well I would probably just have a couple of options. I could join in to the fun, or my first reaction might be to immediately turn around and go stand on the hallway for a moment and try to figure out if what I saw was actually happening. I’m trying to imagine right now Sean Connery in my apartment, it’s pretty hilarious.

TD: Buck naked, giving it.

K: Yeah, yeah, just givin it.

TD: And then what about the movie role?

K: I’d probably do the movie. Why not?

TD: No hard feelings?

K: Well, I don’t know, it depends on how attached I was to that lover.

TD: So anyway, your new album is awesome, it was recorded by Shawn Cole. Did you have a different direction going in to making the album? Did you expect it to get the attention that it has?

K: Well when we were making it the main thing we were thinking was that just to improve upon what we had done before and to push ourselves to make a better album to make an album that was more of a whole piece, not just a collection of songs but an album. And you know something that was a bit more diverse. Just basically we were just trying to push ourselves to do something that was better than before.

TD: Was there a point during YSPWSD’s career that you realized oh my god, people care?

K: Yes. I think it might have been on our first tour. Our first tour was when we started getting press for the first time like outside of Vancouver. I think there were some things that happened on that first tour where we were just like “wow, I can’t believe people are paying attention to this.”

TD: The Exclaim cover must have done a lot for you.

K: Yeah totally. Of course we only were on the cover in western Canada. In a way that was kind of a bummer because it felt like we had already established ourselves in Western Canada fairly well with touring and it could have been in the east where we could have used the exposure a bit more.

TD: But you are big in Europe?

K: Yeah, I guess.

TD: Do you think you are bigger in Europe than in Canada?

K: I feel like it's starting to even out. Before that was definitely the case. I think thought that like we have been touring Canada relentlessly this year and we feel like its starting to even out the amount of well knowness? Is that a word?

TD: Do you think that Becky gets more attention being a front woman, or do find it is spread throughout the band? I haven’t read many interviews with Becky, where is she?

K: I think that is a pretty normal thing for any band where the front person, the lead singer becomes the focus of attention and yeah, she was like the only person in the band that was in the monster video. But I think that we try to keep the focus on us as a band and to like you know, Becky and the You Say Partiers. Becky is a really great front person for the band but uhh, she’s definitely not the kind of person who hogs the spotlight either. We try to spread out the interviews among the band members and umm, sort of keep the image of the band as being a whole band. There are a lot of bands where it just becomes like the front person in the band becomes the only person anyone cares about and umm that’s something we’ve sort of consciously tried not to do.

TD: What’s coming up?

K: We’re finishing our Canada tour. We’re going out to the Maritimes for the first time which is pretty exciting. Then we’re going over to Europe. When we get back from Europe we’re going to be doing more recording, more writing, umm just keeping the beast going.

Td: Groovy

Scientists create new life form

It’s alive! Alive! Our proud scientists have finally created life, in the form of bacteria, freeing us from the chains of biology. Long strides we’ve made since our predecessor, the mighty dinosaur, lumbered the planet, hunting and foraging, leaving giant dino shits to fertilize the land. Now we humans create our own shit, in laboratories! The possibilities are endless. In fact, I have some ideas for our esteemed heroes’, laboriously toiling in dungeons across the land. Here are the new life forms of my imagination.

Giant clawless, toothless, winged kittens: Yes, kitties with wings; amply colossal to bear entire fourth grade classes on their furry-wurry backs. This could solve transportation based pollution issues, as we could breed entire fleets of giant winged, toothless, clawless kitty buses, greatly reducing greenhouse gas emissions--excluding methane (giant kitty farts). Proper diet would help with these small issues.

The economy would benefit as well. The kitty litter industry would flourish, along with waste management for all the giant winged, toothless, clawless kitten shit. Kitty harnesses for riding the kittens in flight would employ thousands--and of course there would be need for proper safety measures, with proper crash testing facilities, run by proper people. Many kitties would be sacrificed during air bag tests, to insure a satisfactory safety rating. One could simply genetically remove all pain receptors from the kitties, so that their end is a peaceful one.

In terms of new species, giant, winged, clawless, toothless kitties are only an example of one such possibility. Utilizing our magnificent understanding of genetic coding, we could alter any existing animal into some giant, winged, clawless, toothless transportation device. There was a time when humans believed we existed on the back of a giant turtle. Now this is a very real possibility. We could, in theory, create a living turtle like creature large enough to carry the entire human race throughout the cosmos. We must free our minds from limiting belief systems, like that we need “spaceships” to travel the universe. We can create life! Rejoice o glorious humans, reach for the sky and grasp the ether, bend it to your will.

Should these scientists speak truthfully, then our options truly are limitless. I will now demonstrate the reach of human imagination past solid concepts like kitties and turtles and space ships. Let us generate an entirely new being, like say for example, a “Lorgadamaniadistrophap,” or “Lorg” for short. This being would not exist in the physical plane; this being would be phantasmal. It has a good sense of humour, conversation skills, is well read, plays drums, and is composed purely of regenerative milk chocolate that never melts. My Lorg could apply its limitless reasoning abilities to the U.N. council, delegating brilliantly feasible solutions to ease suffering in crisis zones such as the Darfur and Sudan conflict regions. Once the Lorg had solved global humanitarian issues the council could rejoice, have a jam session and gorge on glorious chocolate.

These scientists suggest that their newly created bacteria could absorb carbon monoxide, a possible solution to global warming. Why stop there? Why not create bacteria that could absorb humans? Let us breed an entirely new galaxy, and be absorbed into a new reality, where Unicorns play Frisbee with Hitler and bending spoons with your mind is soooo 1969. Yes, we are in a new age…are you ready to create life? I think the dinosaurs had more to do with their own extinction than we realize.

Al D TV is good

The Internet killed the TV star. This is the golden age, when any bozo with a digital camera and a little know-how can throw themselves online for the masses to consume. So of course, the world has been flooded by terabytes of amateur schlock that makes the worst of public access television seem like golden globe material. And just when you think things can’t get any worse, a rare gem is unearthed--like Al D TV…where the “D” stands for “Dangerous.”

Hailing from China, Al D’s broken English, off beat method and eccentric fashion sense provide for fantastically entertaining interviews. Producer Colin Askey provides short film segments that are…well, as Al would say, “Simpry brilliant.” One such segment involves a ninja attack, another, a drug deal gone sour. The segments don’t usually have anything to do with entertainment journalism, they are just--entertaining.

To date Al D TV has interviewed such artists as the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Hot Hot Heat, Weird Al Yankovic, The Constantines, Lamb of God, Fall Out Boy, Pride Tiger, and many more. Judging by the drive and quality of the content, the show is sure to grow in popularity. Al D has all the makings of classic journalistic character, among the ranks of Nardwuar, Hunter S Thompson and Ed the Sock. Yes, he is that adorable.

So enough about me, here’s Al D. Watch one of the episodes and you will truly appreciate Al’s Engrish. There is so much more I could say about how great the show is, but hey…, why don’t you see for yourself?

TD: What inspired you to create Al D TV?

AL : I always love the fresh air , Because Fresh air made me healthy and happy, Since the music industry and entertainment industry smells shitty these years , Only few groups out there still make fresh air to people, That's why I and my friend Colin Askey decide to make fresh air by ourselves in order to make everybody healthy and happy. And we want to make ourselves happy and healthy as well.

TD: You wrote for rolling stone China. What has been your journey through journalism thus far?

AL: At first I write a magazine called X music magazine, I interviewed alot of Nu-metal bands at that time, And then my life became shitty and shittier, So I began listen to lots more death metal and black metal, Since my music taste becames heavier and heavier, I began write for a very famous Asian heavy metal magazine called Painkiller. Later on, My friend becames Executive editor of Rolling Stone Chinese edition, He asked me to write an article about King Kong, Since King Kong is my hero, I know a lot of things about King Kong, And then from there, I started writing for Rolling Stone, I interviewed Rob Zombie, Chino from Deftones and several musicians for them.

TD: What's the story behind the fake microphone? (He uses a big paper mache microphone...it is useless.)

AL: One day I almost killed myself in the pacific ocean due to my love life sucks, But when I almost drowned myself in the ocean, There is a voice shout at me, "AL D, YOUR TIME IS COME: And then I was in the
coma, When I wake up, There is a microphone show up to my hand, I love it very much.

TD: Give Laser Face a short poem, on any subject.

AL: Hey girl, I love you , Even you don't have any makeups on your face, I still want to make love with you, Because you are truly beautiful.

TD: What is the most beautiful thing in your world?

AL: This is a very difficult question, Because my mood change every minute, for example, after my mom give me some money, I feel like I have the most supportive mom in the world, My mom is beautiful, But when
my mom doesn't allow me bring girls sleep at my room, And then I have to send girls back to their home. At that moment I hate my mom. So there is no beautiful thing in my world, because things change every moment.

TD: Is your show helping you and your friends with the ladies?

AL: Yes, These days so many young ladies start flash their tits to me when I am in the party, I was like "Ladies, Behavior!"

TD: Who is Colin Askey?

AL: Colin Askey is a Canadian undercover model, who also is a very talented filmmaker. He is a very good friend of mine, but his mind is so fucked, sometimes I have to get his goddamn mind straight so that he can work it out. He often helps me clean my mind as well. Basically we are each other's therapist.

TD: Your skits are hilarious! Who comes up with the ideas?

AL: What does Skits mean? Ha-ha. I guess Skits are those short intro films before my interviews, right? Most of those short films created by Colin Askey. He is a genius.

TD: What are your goals for Al D TV?

AL: ALDTV played on TV, so I and Colin can have decent income to enjoy the life, hahaha. And we hope we can bring love, happiness and peaceful innocent mind to the people. I hope everybody stops love Raymond, I hope everybody starts love AL D TV.

TD: What interviews are coming down the road?

AL: Haha, visit http://www.myspace.com/aldtv. We put bands what we interviewed in the past on top friend list. But we will also put bands who confirmed to do our interviews on the top friend list as well. I think
Shiny Toy Guns might do my interview tomorrow, I just hang out with them at backstage, and they are so nice! And I will interview "Weird Al" Yankovic on Friday, thank you Teresa!

TD: We have the same last name (Tony Deviant).

AL: Yes, We are all dangerous, Ladies love dangerous men. An outlaw touches ladies just like banker touches gold, Remember that, Man!

TD: If you came home one day, and Sean Connery was making love to your girlfriend, he then looks at you and asks with that sly Connery tone "Oh! You're home you handsome devil How would you like to star in my next movie?" What would you do?

AL: I would say "Ok, I would love to starring in your next movie, but you have to add a orgy scene that I make love with all your
granddaughters. "Anyway, how many granddaughters does he have? Are they beautiful?

You are beautiful Al D.

www.aldtv.com
www.myspace.com/aldtv

Hamsters of doom

I was just thinking about life, and our need for exercise.

The Hamster wheel is a prison wheel. Free the Hamster, and you free yourself. Seriously.

Hooray for sleep

I changed the direction in which I lay in bed, so that upon consciousness, I gaze into the morning sky. Lately it's been sunshine greeting my lazy retinas--which usually instills a sense of hope--as opposed to cloudy despair. Although I still feel a need to revert direction when having sex. For some reason ones head should be facing the closest wall, and this has nothing at all to do with the weather. Think about it.

Clouds are good, because they provide rain, nourishing the plants and washing the stink from the city streets. Clouds are also good because they help the economy through increased umbrella sales. I suppose they hurt the economy by decreasing the sale of summer items, like jet skis and sunscreen. Still, the economy has no say in which way I lay my head while I sleep.

Facebook likes money

Facebook has opened profiles to the public.

What this means essentially, is that all of your profiles will become accessible by the various search engines like Google, Yahoo, etc. So what…just set your profile to private-- right? Privacy settings will stop many lurkers at the gate, but still allow for a voyeuristic peek into the lives of your networked friends. If you have a facebook presence, you are inviting marketing firms to target your interests.

Facebook states that the move is driven “Purely by profit motives.” One can almost respect their honesty. I can’t help but look to my minds eye and picture reptilian overlords, garbed in business suits, seated around a giant globe of earth, laughing over stock projections and drinking the blood of babies.

What are the negative implications of this maneuver for average online networking addicts like you and I? Probably not much. Just know that there is money to be made off all of us, and our privacy is of no concern. Those who control the information control the power. It’s basic stuff really, but we need to be reminded occasionally of the eerily Orwelian direction our society is leaping anxiously towards.

Whales get screwed, as usual

Laser Face just read the news. This is what laser face has to say about the news. Here is…the news.

Whales get screwed, as usual

“A federal appeals court allowed the Navy on Friday to resume using underwater sonar blasts in anti-submarine warfare tests off Southern California despite possible harm to endangered whales, saying the nation's military needs come first.”

I mean, who needs whales…right? Fuck the whales! We need the lamp oil for when the next tsunami hits.

No seriously, WTF?

When queried by the media, Judge Andrew Kleinfeld responded "We are currently engaged in war, in two countries.”

Yeah, Russia and China. The newspeak is thick these days.

After Star Trek IV The Voyage Home, we should know better than to upset our finned mammalian friends. They bring hours of joy to humans everywhere. They’re aliiiens. Judge Andrew Kleinfeld is a bad bad man. Personally, I’m afraid of whale ghosts. Think about it.

"The safety of the whales must be weighed, and so must the safety of our warriors. And of our country," said the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco.

Yeah, like the whales weigh as much as a country. Why….why are we so stupid?

Dollarama Bandana $1

Bandanas are my friend. I don’t care if they are sooo 2006--don’t be a hater. Why do I love bandanas? Well, they are multi-purpose. Allow me to explain some of the many benefits.

1. Sweat: Montreal is hot in the summer, like a steam room. The humidity is out of control; I blame GW Bush. I blame GW Bush for everything bad that happens in the world, especially the ridiculous amount of sweat I expel on an hourly basis. Wrap one of these babies around your wrist and use it as a sponge to sop up the extra salt water from your sorry mug.
2. Colour: I wear a lot of black, or white, and having a bit of colour hangin out of your pocket, wrapped around your wrist, neck or head, can add that bit of spice that is necessary for standing out in a crowd. That is, unless you live in Mile End. Then use this technique for camouflage as you weave through packs of hipsters at the green room, don’t make eye contact lest you should frighten a nervous artist. Blend in, that is best.
3. Snot: Ok, I should probably categorize all bodily fluids under one banner, but I’m lazy, and there are some best left unmentioned until I’m ready to piss people off. Use your imagination, or better yet, don't.
4. Humour: Anything can be funny, and bandanas are no exception. I like to take mine out and hand it to girls when they ask “what’s that for?” They’ll play with the bandana and wrap it around their heads, pretending to be Ukrainian Immigrants. Again they’ll ask for a purpose and I’ll respond, “To blow my nose.”
5. Pot: I rolled a joint on my hanky once. Then I smoked it, got really paranoid, went home, turned off my phone and played guitar for a few hours until I mellowed out a bit. Then I got hungry, ate a poutine and got bummed that I was out of pot.
6. Food: You can make little picnics anywhere. Just buy a kit kat, sit on the grass and lay it out. How cute!
7. Disguise: Maybe you want to rob someone, a store, a bank, a little old lady. Follow Robin Hood’s example and steal for a good cause. That way people will ignore the fact that you have a cult, five lovers and cocaine up to your knees.
8. Activism: Soak the bandana in urine to block out the effects of tear gas. Down with the WTO!

Bandanas can save the world.

Cafe Olimpico helps keep you regular

This is the favourite caffeination station for many writers, actors, artists, weirdos and rockstars like The Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade and many others. Last week I overheard Dan Boeckner and his wife discussing their current financial situation (they’re doing alright). Being a musician is tough love. By the way, The Handsome Furs new album is quite fantastic, and if you haven’t stolen it yet, get on that.

Back to the coffee. Yes, it is quite delicious--and strong. After two lattes’ I could actually feel my hair falling out. I would recommend the iced Latte, which is laboriously brewed using the oldschool method of making multiple espresso shots at a time, dumping them into large moonshine jugs and chilling to slush. They poor it out of a slushy machine and add homo milk. That shit taste good!

Another fantastic specialty is the lemonade. I don’t know what it’s made of (lemons?), and I’m far too lazy to ask, but it’s in slush form as well, and tastes good. A decent alternate if your caffeine shakes are making it difficult to steady your espresso cup.

Most of the regular customers are friendly enough to approach, that is, if you like talking to random strangers without the intention of provoking mating rituals. There’s this artist dude that draws people (I think it’s his way of taking pictures of the attractive for later reference), then there’s laptop girl/guy, who is actually a robot, and appears in every coffee bar in every city, lap-topping away. Basically at Café Olimpico, people drink coffee, talk, and do things. Yes, I am deep.

I am addicted to the coffee. The owners may have coerced some chemistry students into improving upon the addictive qualities of their coffee ala “The Insider.” If I don’t get a regular fix, the headaches start, the grouchiness, the perma-wood. No, I was kidding about the grouchiness.

The baristas are quite manly, and quite Italian. They usually appear chipper, shouting and rejoicing in a caffeine induced stupor whilst serving their deadly brew. This cheerfulness is likely due to them making what appears to be a large volume of tips per day. Most customers will drop 50 cents or a dollar for every brew they purchase, and there is always a lineup.

The patio is really the most attractive aspect of the venue. The wooden benches are lined up in two neat rows, sort of like a bus stop, with coffee, and flowers.

While I write this article, a rather loud, annoying lady is laughing like a rabid hyena and throwing provocative glances this way. I lend you this fair warning: thirty somethings come here on the prowl for fresh meat. Sounds great right? However, many of these tattooed divorcees are just as weird as you are, so use caution when approaching.

Oh yeah, they have a pool table that nobody ever uses, so if you like pool…wait--nobody likes pool. You don’t like pool. You only play it because your not-hip friends think they can impress your lover. Anyway, they have a table at café Olimpico. Go nuts.

Yeah, go to café Olimpico, and use one of the two unisex bathrooms. They are clean and never locked while empty. Go number two, I did, and can't wait till next time. Thanks Olimpico.

Iraq

Iraq is not a happy party, Iraq is not a sad birthday
Iraq loves all ice cream
People in Iraq are very horny
Iraq has a good soccer team, don’t blow them up
Iraq has kittens, just like Europe
Say this out loud
IRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQ
Clap your hands like you're listening to the Velvet Underground on smack
IRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQIRAQ