Dollarama Bandana $1

Bandanas are my friend. I don’t care if they are sooo 2006--don’t be a hater. Why do I love bandanas? Well, they are multi-purpose. Allow me to explain some of the many benefits.

1. Sweat: Montreal is hot in the summer, like a steam room. The humidity is out of control; I blame GW Bush. I blame GW Bush for everything bad that happens in the world, especially the ridiculous amount of sweat I expel on an hourly basis. Wrap one of these babies around your wrist and use it as a sponge to sop up the extra salt water from your sorry mug.
2. Colour: I wear a lot of black, or white, and having a bit of colour hangin out of your pocket, wrapped around your wrist, neck or head, can add that bit of spice that is necessary for standing out in a crowd. That is, unless you live in Mile End. Then use this technique for camouflage as you weave through packs of hipsters at the green room, don’t make eye contact lest you should frighten a nervous artist. Blend in, that is best.
3. Snot: Ok, I should probably categorize all bodily fluids under one banner, but I’m lazy, and there are some best left unmentioned until I’m ready to piss people off. Use your imagination, or better yet, don't.
4. Humour: Anything can be funny, and bandanas are no exception. I like to take mine out and hand it to girls when they ask “what’s that for?” They’ll play with the bandana and wrap it around their heads, pretending to be Ukrainian Immigrants. Again they’ll ask for a purpose and I’ll respond, “To blow my nose.”
5. Pot: I rolled a joint on my hanky once. Then I smoked it, got really paranoid, went home, turned off my phone and played guitar for a few hours until I mellowed out a bit. Then I got hungry, ate a poutine and got bummed that I was out of pot.
6. Food: You can make little picnics anywhere. Just buy a kit kat, sit on the grass and lay it out. How cute!
7. Disguise: Maybe you want to rob someone, a store, a bank, a little old lady. Follow Robin Hood’s example and steal for a good cause. That way people will ignore the fact that you have a cult, five lovers and cocaine up to your knees.
8. Activism: Soak the bandana in urine to block out the effects of tear gas. Down with the WTO!

Bandanas can save the world.