Bitch vs Ego

Bitch vs Ego

I met a woman through the friend of a friend
Her body screamed “sex!” in the minds of most men

I loved her, the bitch
Won’t look me in the eye
I never say “bitch”
But think it all the time

In random encounters I followed her lead
Like an invisible mutt, beaten and peeing
The more she ignored me-the more I adored her
Nymphetic charms
But not for me
I’m special, I’m here, not bitter—oh no!
I followed her walk, I chased her bike
I spoke on philosophy into the night
Only the crickets were listening

I found her on New Years
Drunk on Midnight
My wit was sharp from whisky
She saw me, didn’t smile
And made out with a short bearded hippie
At midnight
Oblivious to my bitter suffering
It’s hard to be charming when drunk, angry and needy

I took the poison and poured it on paper
The bitch, the slut, the nymph
I hate her!
I played my guitar, I screamed at the stars
Made love to my hand, and then
Later
Started a band

She likes musicians, or so I found out
After my gig, she followed me home
She trekked 2k, in the rain to my door
Drenched and sexy
We fucked in my room, we fucked in a tub
We even fucked fireside on a bearskin rug
Her skills were superb, far better than mine

She could sing, she could think, she was full of delights
She’s not a bitch at all
And then, one day, she asked to go steady
The woman that tortured me wants a boyfriend
Me
The artists, musician, writer
So brave, so proud
I sent her a letter…an email
“I’m not boyfriend material.”
Sincerely, my ego

Ideas are Slugs

Ideas are slugs

Ideas are wet-warm slugs
Sliding grease on dirt
Picking the nutrients
Discarding waste
Replenishing
I wonder what slugs think about
As they make their slow journey

I bet they’re very wise
The slow usually are
Coming out of soil
To avoid drowning
Antennae tasting humidity
Accepting the moment

And finally
Being eaten
By something
Because Ideas
Never die
Of old age

Orgasm Race

Orgasm Race

From your thighs to your soul
A desperate marathon
Every shaky step
An insurmountable ladder
Greased with lust
And city dust
As I push deep
Breath closed
You encourage with a moan
1978 unseen fans
Clapping in unison
Towards victory

Young prison guards

At ten
I lived by a river
I would go there to throw rocks
And imagine drowning
It would be easy
I would be swept away
I would listen and think
Not about the future
Or the past
Just about the river
And drowning
Not that I wanted to drown
But it’s reassuring
To know that I could

My cousin
Tall, awkward and gangly
Would catch animals
Yank them out
And drop them in a tub
Fish, Turtles, Worms
Then he would grab a rock
And drop it in the pool
The fish would move
I picked up a rock
And threw it hard
A near hit
We found bigger rocks
Some hit
We got a sling shot
That worked better
We got a BB gun
That worked great

Soon the tub
Was chunky brown
We would clean
Before Grandpa came home
To watch porn
Before Grandma came home
And we wouldn’t think about
What we’d done
And for some reason
We always let the turtles go

"I hate men"

I hate men

I met Rachael and Aaron
They were hating on Men
What’s the word for “hatred of Men?” I asked.
They didn’t know
It would be in the dictionary
Which was written by men
Where’s the one written by Women?
I would hide it well

Oh Canada

The little blonde boy chews chocolate
With rich indifference
The woman hands him her phone
A strategic move
The chocolate is done
And somewhere
They are crying
Over rice

Safety

Poetry should speak truth
It’s something that wasn’t meant to share
Yet entertaining
Nobody really cares
I’ll grab a mic
Stare into the light
So ego, vanity and validation
Will hoist me
Into the night
And into the many lonely hearts
That want to bite
Off a piece
And swim it home
Through paved abominations
Under glowing safety beacons

If I chose to accept a banal existence
Like a shitting Dinosaur
Bored of the same giant leaf
Accepting defeat would be the greatest inspiration
To eat
But to share
Invoke stares
Hostile glares
Wet lips for a dare
I move on, and on
The greatest threat to inspiration
Is safety

Double Wide Trailer

Double Wide Trailer

I used to live in a double wide trailer
Surrounded by mansions
With three other guys
And two big dogs
Dirt poor
4 guys from 4 bands
We would practice in the living room, if you could call it that
4 bands, one after the other, all day
Punk bands
Like rats in a tin can
It didn’t take long to go insane
Drunk, my roommate came home
He wanted to wrestle
I didn’t
I punched him in the eye
“You son of a bitch! Fuck off!”
I’m not the violent type, but that felt good
Real good
We were in bands, so we had girlfriends
4 guys, 4 girls, 1 double wide trailer with paper thin walls and two dogs
At night
“Oooooh!” she would moan
And the dogs would howl
That’s how it started
Funny how sex is contagious
And how jealousy is felt through walls
There was a mismatch of lovers
Angry, horny and jealous
Listening to your friends screw through paper mache
In a double wide trailer
Now it’s your turn
And theirs to listen
And when you’re done, another begins
“Oooooh!”
We hid pot in the wall
Once we even shit in the wall
That was funny
When the cops busted in
The middle of the night
Looking for a beating
All they could smell was shit
The cop saw a picture of Hitler
A Dead Kennedys poster
“Are you a Nazi?” He asked
“Are you?” I replied
Angry cops
The pound took the dogs
Held them ransom
$200 or the mutt dies. You have three days.
My girlfriend paid it
I gave the dog away
Ex girlfriend
We were evicted, of course
Like lifting a rock and watching beetles scatter
I wonder who lives there now

Call Center

Call Center

Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You

Click, Sale!

Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You
Click, Fuck You

Altered States in Teenage Slumber Parties

Everybody hates you cause nobody loves you cause all you do is mean things to people you flirt with the peoples you steal from the peoples you cry to the uncaring and now nobody likes you feel sorry for wet eyeballs the drugs keep you hyper till sun comes over buildings the morning makes you happy then anxiety is gone and you sleep under city trees police walk right by because this place has no crack heads and somebody likes you for that time you made them breakfast with vegan ingredients and then you masturbated to pictures on face book cause nobody takes you to New York for Sonic Youth shows and that’s why the Pulitzer doesn’t mean a thing on cocaine and sleep is for boring people with careers and little babies when you’re famous you think they like you but more people don’t like you and they only want you to fail so the best thing to do is be as weird as possible.

Taking my ego for a walk

Sometimes I take my ego for a walk
Just let it roam free
Accusing the sun of joy
Nesting with birds on stone cold windows

Sometimes I let my ego dance
Without attachment
I don’t laugh, I don’t cry
No future, no past

Nothing gets done
So I keep the leash attached
Oh ego I love you
And all the things you do

Without you I would never write
Never play guitar
Stay home on Friday night
Sex is meaningless

Happy, sad, angry
I’m not even sure what ego is
But I take it for a walk
We are good friends, or not

Fuck you, I love you

Coffee Shop

Coffee Shop

People drinking coffee, staring

Some are having tea

Non fat milk

Man in camouflage, erection under pants

One woman, still obsessed with Dinosaurs

Drinking, sucking the hot liquids

Caffeine, replacing testosterone, estrogen

Mini society within the coffee shop

Baristas want to go home, watch Lost on ABC

Yell at their cheating boyfriend in the street

Where everybody can hear

Hopped up on caffeine, non-fat chai latte

Girl wants someone to pick her up

But when people talk, she acts uninterested

Old guy has dandruff, all over his black sports coat

He doesn’t care, he fought in Vietnam

He needs Earl Grey

Young student spells out the evils of consumerism

Nobody is listening, so he gets louder

One Asian girl finds this attractive

He might be her alpha male

But nobody is talking to her, because she’s ugly

Dance mix 99 on the stereo

Who listens to this crap?

Slurp back more caffeine, getting agitated

Thump, thump, thump, thump

Party time in the coffee shop

Yeah bitch. I swear in my head

Fuck yeah!

I can swear in my head in the coffee shop

Piss shit fuck slut whore pimp!

I’m rocking out to dance mix 99 on caffeine

With the woman dreaming about dinosaurs

And the horny guy in army fatigues

And the lonely girl

And the anarchist student

And the bored baristas

We are all in the coffee shop

Fuck yeah!

And I can swear in my fucking head bitch shit fag

Because unless there are psychics in here, nobody can hear me

And the sun is going down

People are all hopped up, ready to go home

Log onto face book

Only to stop and empty their bladders of caffeine

Before going out to get drunk, and attempt to mate

Except for the ugly ones, they don’t like to go out

They just go for coffee, sometimes caffeine free apple cider

Like little sissies, fuck shit bitch asshole pimp-hand yeah!

This is my coffee shop

And I can swear in my head

Christmas times fuck

OH Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Where are your neo citran?

Oh Jesus tree, oh Jesus tree

Come and get your kittens

They bomb Iraq, we love to dance

Santa Claus, skips Isreal

Oh Christian Tree, I stand and pee

Tylenol cold and Flu

Winter for everyone

The great thing about winter
No guilty apathy
No Dichotomy Dictosaurus
Will change my mind
You’re not my Dad!

I enjoy a cold romp
Farting around in the mush
Good excuse to get drunk
There always is
Dude

Love

The girl I love is a mysterious creature

Like an elf, floating on a cloud of lust

One night she told me that she loved me, and I loved her

Actually…that is a lie, there is no woman, I am hideous